I fight for purpose on a daily basis.
"Woah, Emily. Philosophical much?"
I know, I know... I don't often ease into this kind of stuff. Sometimes I tend to slap folks across the face with this stuff. Allow me to explain...
I've been putting a lot of mental and emotional 'juice' into this phase of my career. Doing public relations and promotions, producing/recording a full-length album, and booking a national tour is exhausting all one their own. So naturally, this month has been a tough one.
I see that the preparation for a journey is just as important as the journey itself. - Tweet it.
This is evidenced in my Artist Residency experience at the Grünewald Guild. I got so much out of my time in the mountains from just the preparation alone. It made the whole experience even more valuable.
With every step of preparation, I'm questioning. Should I be adjusting my strategy? Adjusting my expectations? Calculating my budget differently? Working more? Less? Getting more sleep? Is 5 hours/night enough? Is this gonna kill me? Are you sure I'm not crazy?
My past experiences tell me that the questioning and the struggle somehow validates the reasoning and the why of going on this amazingly terrifying journey.
Perhaps the struggle & questioning is the heart’s way of forcing the head to remember the ‘Why's.’ - Tweet it.
So... WHY am I doing this again?
What has my questioning and struggling unearthed this month? Why am I considering letting go of a super comfy and awesome life in Tacoma, WA? Why am I emailing random people across the country? Why am I sending my songs across the nation?Why am I choosing not to fill my personal bank account with gobs of money? Why am I choosing Adventure over Comfort?
I want to experience communion with the best parts of humanity. These are the experiences that bring value to my life. *coughcoughTEDxTalkcough* This is a deeply spiritual act of reverence for me.
I want to contagiously vibrate with hope. In the midst of our country's (and world's) greater struggles, I believe we can push through to progress by connecting our own unique strands of hope with the strands of hope within our communities.
To feel alive
Granted, not every feeling is the bees knees. Being alive can be intensely dark and scary and painful. But experiencing life can also be juicy and vibrant, even in the midst of pain and darkness.
I mean, come on. Have you ever felt cashmere on freshly shaven legs?! Good god. It's excruciating and exquisite. Especially if it's your own legs on someone else's sweater. That might be the ultimate tactile definition of what it means to feel feminine.
TMI? I don't care. Shut up and try it sometime.
You're now asking "So that is why why you're doing this musician stuff? Because cashmere and freshly shaven legs?"
THAT is what all my questioning and struggling has unearthed in me this month.
My purpose is to feel alive through inspiring and connecting with others.
Not bad for a razor & a sweater, eh?
Mom: Relax. It's a metaphor. ;)